True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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