she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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