Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
