I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
