my mouth tastes like poor choices
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
