Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
