how can u be prego again
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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