Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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