Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
