I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
