I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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