So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
third nipple confirmed
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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