Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize