this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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