How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
