I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
