Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
