I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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