dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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