fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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