My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize