If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
sex in a hospital.. check
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
