im having a threesome with these popsicles
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
