Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
