If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
