Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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