Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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