Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
