I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
