JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
3 2 1 whiskey
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I yelled at your uterus for you.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
