now i know why i became what i already was.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
