He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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