Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
