WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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