He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
