There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
