We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
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