That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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