i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
