its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
