you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
He better not be in your backpack
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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