he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
