ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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