Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
where are you?
Hypothermia
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
