Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
