There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
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