Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
