I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
I need moral support for this bender
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
