Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
