We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
