He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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