you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
