Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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