Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
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