census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
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