It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Also, beer. Big fan.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
