I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
In other news, I just burned my penis
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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