if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
