I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
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