he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
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