apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
