What did we do last night that was yellow?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
