I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Randomize
