I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Hippo gnu deer
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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