Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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