so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
My underwear smells like fireworks.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
