they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
