Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
