Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
