Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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