I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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