Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
