'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
